seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
