If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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