I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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