i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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