i think my mom watched the whole time
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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