Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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