He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wish my penis had an off switch
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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