i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
