Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You can't just leave with hair like that
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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