some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
