Do you still have your period?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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