Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
