Can Purell be used as lube?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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