I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
