I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
