I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
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I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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