So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
