the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
