you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize