I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
