Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
