She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
