We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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