as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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