I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
