when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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