What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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