Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
