Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I AM VODKA MAN
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
