He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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