i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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