Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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