You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Green mimosas i think yes
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
