took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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