so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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