so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
