JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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