hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
