as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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