i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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