I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize