she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize