I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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