I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
