6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
