I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
