I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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