Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
