"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She's the barista slut.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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