How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You're like the curious george of whores
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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