man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Itโs gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylanโs party
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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