if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
