I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
