i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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