He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
