What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
