I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
