Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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