We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
All the doctor said was why
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
