I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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