i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
