AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
