remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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