wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
