He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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