Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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