Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
