Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
