when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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