i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
