I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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