Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
