I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
