Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize