Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
