If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
