The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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