can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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