did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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