Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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