So drunk its hurt
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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