Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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