My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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