I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
