girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
