I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
